Pandummies

He's the highest-paid public employee in his state, but that's not why Dabo Swinney is catching a raft of stuff this week.

He's catching a raft of stuff because he's behaving like what he is, which is a football coach.

And so here he is, going all Coach Slobberknocker because Florida State abruptly called off its game last Saturday against Swinney's Clemson Tigers. Coach Slobberknocker 'tweren't happy about that, because dadgum it, it was time to buckle the chinstraps and get after it. And you can't do that if you're gonna be a buncha fraidy cats about some pandemic whatcha.

I suppose it's mere fancy to think it, considering how much they love their football in South Carolina. But shouldn't this be the part where someone reminds Coach that if he's gonna be the highest-paid public employee in the state, he should start acting in the interests of the public?

Because, listen, while Coach Slobberknocker was ranting and raving -- yesterday he was still at it, saying Florida State should forfeit the dadgum game -- it's worth pointing out that Florida State, of all people, did the responsible thing here. Seminole Nation has rather famously behaved cavalierly itself when it had football games to win, but common sense scored the upset this time around.

This time around, Florida State canceled the game Saturday morning after learning a Clemson player had tested positive for the Bastard Plague the day before. And not only that, he'd been symptomatic the entire week.

And yet he'd still been allowed to practice by Coach Slobberknocker. Because, football. 

This meant who knows how many others among the Clemsons had been infected, and that's why Florida State pulled the plug. The Tigers would have been tough enough to handle without having to take on the Four Horsemen of Respiratory Distress, too. And it seemed especially irresponsible with Thanksgiving break coming and students on college campuses headed home.

Then again ... irresponsibility seems to be a thing these days in the age of 'rona.

Out in South Dakota, for instance, they just spent close to a million dollars on an ad campaign promoting tourism to the state, an idea so appallingly bad only South Dakota's famously yee-ha governor, Kristi Noem, could have dreamed it up. The virus is spiraling again everywhere, hospital resources are strained to the breaking point, but, hey, folks, let's get travelin'. Cram yourselves aboard one o' them sky tubes and wing off to our lovely state!

And never mind that South Dakota is a 'rona hotspot right now -- a direct consequence of Governor Slobberknocker sneering at all that sissified mask-wearin' and social-distancin' and temporary lockin'-down.

For instance: Just yesterday, the state recorded more than a thousand new cases. Considering South Dakota contains about 12 people, this might be regarded as alarming. But, sure, come on out!

As for Coach Dabo ... well, as noted above, he's a football coach. Not only that, he's a football coach at a school he's built into perhaps the pre-eminent power, along with Alabama, in the game. Which means what he's in charge of is Clemson Football Inc., and his job is to generate revenue for that entity.

And you can't generate revenue if you don't play. Priorities, don't you know.

Yeesh, It's a wonder the apes haven't taken over and put Dr. Zaius in charge.