View from the bottom

... in which the Blob again brings up his Cruddy Pittsburgh Pirates* (* -- a registered trademark), just to warn all y'all.

("Thanks! I'm outta here!" you're saying)

Anyway, these are strange times in baseball, and not just because the St. Louis Cardinals are all driving to away games in separate cars because half of them are toxic. They're strange times because of who my Cruddy Pirates find themselves bunking with these days.

Sure, no one's surprised that my Cruds are the worst team in the National League by, like, five games as of this morning. They're now 4-15 and nine-and-a-half games behind the first-place Cubs in the NL Central, which is pretty impressive considering the season is barely 20 games old.

But you know who's right down there with them in Dumpsterville?

That's right, America. The lordly Boston Red Sox, one of the richest kids on the MLB block.

The Red Sox are 6-18 right now, 3-10 in Fenway, and they're dead last in the American League. Even the horrific Baltimore Orioles are 6 1/2 games ahead of them. They've played 24 games and they're already 10 1/2 games behind the frontrunning Yankees in the AL East.

So welcome aboard, Scarlet Hose. No, there's no room service here. No mini-bar, either. And my Cruddy Pirates snore like the field of 33 coming to the green at Indianapolis.

What's that you say? Can you get an extra pillow, then?

No you cannot. Where do you think you are, the Four Seasons?