Broken, Part Deux

Couple more observations about the Retirement Announcement That Shocked The World And Pissed Off Wannabe Tough Guys Everywhere, on the Monday morning of the last week of the NFL preseason ...

* It is, indisputably, the best thing on Twitter. Some genius photoshopped a Civil War uniform onto Andrew Luck and his infamous 19th-century neck beard -- beards were big in the Civil War; you weren't a cool general if you didn't have one (lookin' at you, Joe Hooker) -- and voila, Capt. Andrew Luck was born.

But what happens now to all those poignant letters to Dearest Mother, thanking her for the latest care package of squirrel oil, braised possum thighs and candied gopher knees?

Alas, we may already have the answer. Here's what Capt. Andrew Luck tweeted yesterday:

Dearest mother — The quill has never felt more heavy. I have made the decision to holster my sidearm permanently. I shall battle no more. The decision is difficult, but, as the hogs taught me, I must be true to myself. I am coming home to care for you and the farm. — Andrew

So that's that, I guess. I for one will miss the candied gopher knees. I hear they're yummy.

* Others of note have done what Andrew Luck is doing, for a variety of reasons. Jim Brown left football at 30 to pursue an acting career. The game beat up Gale Sayers and Dick Butkus so bad they left at 29 and 31, respectively. Many, many others followed the same path for the same reason.

But somehow it's different when an Andrew Luck, beat up by the game, too, decides to walk away at 29. Apparently if you do that before football has actually crippled you, it fails to pass muster with the Wannabes, on account of the game pays you a whole lot of money for the privilege of crippling you. So shut up and take it like a man.

Know what else a guy like Andrew Luck deciding the game isn't worth it does?

Sends a shiver through every boardroom in the NFL.

This from Drew Magary of Deadspin: "And while the NFL will handle Luck’s retirement with its usual false graciousness, the collective silent scream of GMs and scouts in the face of a draining talent pool is growing by the second. Luck is the largest domino to fall, by far. If he can walk away from the game (and from untold millions in future earnings in a league in which good QBs play for quite a while) right before the season begins, anyone can. That means, going forward, teams are gonna be too scared shitless to draft ANYONE."

Absolutely spot on. It's one thing for a relative unknown to decide the game isn't worth it and depart in his 20s, as more and more are these days. But when a Calvin Johnson leaves at 30, or an Andrew Luck at 29? And when the latter is so bluntly honest about it, saying he's just tired of being in pain all the time, and what kind of life is that no matter how chunky the paycheck?

Whoa. Katie bar the door. And get ready for even more lunatic psychoanalysis at the NFL combine, as those desperate GMs try to determine who's still batty enough to want to play their game in an era of linebackers and  edge rushers with the speed of Olympic sprinters, delivering foot-pounds of force unimaginable 30 or 40 years ago.

Think you've seen crazy from the combine before?

Just wait.