The Oh-fer Man

So, you think you've got troubles, bucko? Think life's a cabaret and you're the only sad sack the bouncer won't let darken its door? Think the dog didn't just eat your homework, but your winning Powerball ticket, too?

Well, you need to meet Chris Davis, then.

Who's really got troubles.

Maybe you missed it, maybe you didn't, but Chris Davis -- a baseball player for the Baltimore Orioles -- is barreling hellbent for election down the futility highway, and he's fresh out of brakes. The poor guy flied out in his only at-bat yesterday, making him hitless in his last 50 trips to the plate. That's a record, in case you were wondering.  It means Davis hasn't had a base hit -- a line drive, a gapper, a flare, even a seeing-eye blooper -- since last September. Children who were born the last time he got a hit are walking now.

But you know why this story is not just about one man's epic failure?

Because in a lot of ways that matter, he's not a failure.

Think about it: Here's a guy who has to be carrying around a boxcar full of frustration, and yet it wasn't himself he was thinking about after setting the oh-fer record on Monday. It was his young teammates, whose achievements he feared were being obscured by his transcendent zero-ness.

"It takes away from so many positive things that we're doing," Davis said this week after declining to speak with the media Monday because he wanted the focus on the Orioles' 12-4 win. "We won the game and I went 0-for-5, and I knew that the media was going to want to talk about it. For me, that was just such an unprofessional thing to do, to sit there and talk about my own personal circumstances when we had so many things to be excited and encouraged about as a ballclub.

"I want these guys to enjoy playing in the big leagues. I want them to enjoy playing for the Orioles, playing for the city of Baltimore. I want them to understand that it's a privilege to be able to put on this uniform night in and night out. I want them to do as much as they can to have the best outcome possible, and I don't think it's fair for me to bring all the baggage that I have with me right now and dump it on those guys."

Root for this dude, Blobophiles. Root for him hard.