Bracket-allergy

The first full day of spring snuck in this morning on a fake ID, a sky the color of slate lidding a whole lot of chill and wet. But later there will be basketball, lots of basketball, so we'll serve Spring a beer or three anyway, and let it cheer for Gonzaga or someone.

We'll also let it fill out a bracket, because the Blob will not. The Blob does not fill out brackets, not after that year UConn won and the Blob got beat by someone who picked the Huskies because, you know, huskies are just so darn cute.

Never again. The Blob is officially allergic to brackets. They make the Blob break out in hives. And so you can come at me with your Bracket Challenges and your Bracket Showdowns, and the Blob will simply turn the other cheek.

"Coward!" you're saying now.

Yeah, well ... sticks and stones. I don't care. I am not going to fall into the trap of picking Iowa State into the Final Four again and watching it get beat by Whatsamatta U. in the first round, like I did one year. Or picking Michigan State into the Final Four and watching it get beat by Directional Hyphen Somewhere In Tennessee State, like I did another year.

No, I am free now to just watch and root for, say, Yale against LSU, because at least Yale's coach isn't a crime lord currently doing time in the NCAA hoosegow. I am free to root for Vermont because I have friends who live in Vermont, and also because "Catamounts" is a way cool nickname, and also because the Catamounts have five kids from Indiana on the roster -- including three from one high school, Evansville Harrison.

I am also free to pick Coastal Carolina as this year's Loyola, even though Coastal Carolina isn't in the field. But I'll pick 'em anyway just because they have an even cooler nickname -- the Chanticleers, which are a kind of rooster -- and because their mascot, Chauncey, is the best mascot in college buckets.

"But Mr. Blob," you are saying now. "Isn't this just as bad as people picking UConn because they're dog lovers? Or picking Purdue because Purdue Pete has lifeless eyes?"

Nah. See, I'm not really picking anybody. So therefore I can pick anyone I want, even if they're not in the tournament. And at the end of all this I can say I didn't miss a pick.

"But that's just silly, Mr. Blob," you're saying.

Yeah, well. Is it any sillier than Maryland Baltimore County beating Virginia last year? Or Duke losing to Mercer that other year? Or Kansas losing to Bucknell that other, other year?

There's a reason they call it March Madness, you know.

"Because you, yourself, are completely mad?" you're saying.

Not where I was going with that. But whatever.