Run like the wind, Holy Father!

OK, first off, the obligatory disclaimer: No, this is not a Monty Python sketch.

The Vatican, following Pope Francis' long-standing promotion of sport as a force for good and peace in the world, really is forming a track team.

It really is looking to join the International Association of Athletics Federations.

It really is hoping to compete in international competitions, with an eye toward eventually competing in the Olympics.

I can see now you all are aflame with questions. OK, so not all of you. OK, so the one guy who wandered in off the street because he thought the Blob was giving out free donuts.

At any rate, we'll do our best to answer, one question at a time:

1. Who will be on this track team?

According to Sports Illustrated, the team initially will comprise about 60 Holy See athletes as the first accredited members of Vatican Athletics. These will include, priests, nuns, pharmacists, a 62-year-old professor and members of the Vatican Swiss Guards.

2. Do the Swiss Guards get to carry those pointy things when they run? 'Cause those could come in handy when the pack bunches up.

Not that the Blob is aware. Although it is a thought..

3. What about the stripey pantaloons and the puffy berets? Do they get to wear those?

No. They will be dressed like any other track athletes. Besides, two words: Wind resistance.

4. Yeah, but Dave Wottle got to wear a hat. Didn't slow him down any, right?

Good point.

5. What's the story on the 62-year-old professor?

He works in the Vatican's Apostolic Library. Rumor has it he's got a killer finishing kick.

6. Any standouts among the nuns?

Again, it's only a rumor. But a certain Sister Bertrille apparently crushes it in the high jump. Also the long jump.

7. OK, last question. How will this impact Notre Dame football?

You mean will they no longer be God's favorite sports team?

Yes.

Well, obviously not.

 Which will no doubt be reflected in next fall's preseason rankings.