We don't need no stinkin' bracketology

Or: Filling all your NCAA Tournament bracket needs.

Like, for instance, solving the grammatical riddle of Bison/Bisons.

Yes, that's right, boys and girls, the highlight of this year's bracket is that we have both a Bison (Bucknell) and a Bisons (Lipscomb) in the field. I believe Bison is correct (No soup for you, Lipscomb!) I also believe this likely will not be a worry for very long, seeing how Bucknell opens against  Michigan State and Lipscomb drew North Carolina in the first round.

Anyway, if you expected to come here and get sober analysis of which regional is strongest (West? Midwest?) or who has the best shot at breaking up an all-No. 1 seed Final Four (Michigan, Michigan State, Cincinnati, Kentucky, Purdue with a seemingly cushy path?), you've come to the wrong place. The Blob doesn't care. The Blob couldn't tell you who had the most wins in what Quadrant if its life depended on it, on account of the Blob doesn't understand the Quadrant system of evaluating teams any better than all those bracketologists who pretend they understand the Quadrant system of evaluating teams.

(Although "Quadrant" sounds like a term that should be used liberally in a "Star Trek" film. "Captain, we're entering the Clown Quadrant." "Captain, the Klingons have occupied Outpost 39 of Quadrant Alpha Charlie BeBop, ZeBop Boom-chicka-boom." Or something like that.)

No, the Blob is much more astute at predicting the outcome according to who has the scariest mascot. That would put Wichita State right up there with that scary Shocker dude. Also Purdue because Purdue Pete has lifeless eyes. Also Providence because, I'm sorry, that Friar is the stuff of nightmares.

Otherwise, it's an interesting field, mascot-wise. Not only is there a Bison and a Bisons, there are Blackbirds (LIU-Brooklyn) and Retrievers (Maryland-Baltimore County) and Grizzlies (Montana). There are Gaels (Iona) and Titans (Cal State-Fullerton) and Quakers (Penn). There are Highlanders (Radford). There are Jackrabbits (South Dakota State). There are Racers (Murray State) and Bonnies (St. Bonaventure) and Ramblers (Loyola).

Out of all those, the Blob has a soft spot for the latter. St. Bonaventure and Loyola are two schools out of the Before Time, when the NCAA Tournament was still a rather quaint gathering that UCLA won every year by beating, like, three teams. Remember the year the Bonnies got to the Final Four with Bob Lanier? Remember when Loyola won the national title in 1963, beating Cincinnati 60-58 in overtime in the championship game?

A Cincinnati-Loyola matchup could happen again this year in the Sweet Sixteen. Let's root for that, just for old time's sake.

Let's also root for Texas Southern, where Mike Davis, long freed from the purgatory of post-Bob Knight Bloomington, has his team in Da Tournament for the fourth time in five years. And for Lipscomb, which faces all those poser "students" from North Carolina in the first round. And for Iona, which plays Duke and the Incredibly Annoying Grayson Allen ... and for Buffalo, which plays Arizona and Sean "That Ain't My Voice On The Wiretap" Miller ... and San Diego State, which plays Houston, which is coached by virtuoso cheater Kelvin Sampson.

Any questions?

(And, no, "How do you think Purdue's going to do?" doesn't count. Or "How did Oklahoma get in this thing when every time I watched them for the last month they lost?" Or "What's your bracket look like?")

That's just silly. Of course I didn't fill out a bracket.