National Folderol League

And now for the latest episode in America's (or at least Texas') favorite daytime drama, As The Jer Turns, in which Dallas Cowboys owner and general pain in the ass Jerry Jones feels hurt and betrayed because his alleged girlfriend-beating running back, Ezekiel Elliott, will have to serve that six-game suspension after all.

That has brought the angry old man in ol' Jer to full boil, because his pal, commissioner Roger Goodell, allegedly promised him Elliott would not be suspended. I mean, if you can't trust a skeevy backroom deal among the rich and powerful, what can you trust?

And so ol' Jer, who thought it was great when Goodell went after the New England Patriots and Tom Brady's cheatin' behind in Deflategate, has decided Goodell is the devil incarnate now that's he gone after the Cowboys in Zekegate. A man of integrity when it came to going after someone else's team, Goodell has now transformed into a backstabbing hornswoggler now that it's ol' Jer's team getting dinged.

And if you're thinking here "Holy crow, what a hypocrite!", consider yourself a fine judge of character. Add another gold star to that if you're also thinking "Jerry Jones vs. Roger Goodell. How do you root?"

Because, listen, rarely has it been harder to pick a side in a feud. On the one hand, Goodell's about to get a gargantuan raise for presiding over a league that spent years lying about the concussion issue and, that didn't really care about the domestic violence issue until that elevator video of Ray Rice turned up. And on the other hand ...

Well, it's Jerry Jones. A narcissistic, grandstanding foof whose team hasn't done squadoosh since Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer left.

Ezekiel Elliott, he figured, gave the Cowboys their best ground game since Emmitt Smith was galloping into the Hall of Fame. And thus their best chance to reach the Super Bowl again.

Now he's gone, and the Cowboys will likely suffer because of it. How dare the commissioner mess up a presumptive dream season!

"I'm coming after you with everything I have!" Jones reportedly raged at Goodell after Elliott's suspension came down.

Which at least allows the imagination to ponder the proper venue for that coming-after.

I say we put ol' Jer and Roger The Hammer in the octagon and let 'em have it at. Chokeholds, hair pulling and liberal kicking in the nuts allowed.

They could do it in the Jerry Dome. That would probably make ol' Jer happy.