A chilly day in the Bad Place, revised

In which the Blob, which earlier noted that it's right about as often as the Montreal Canadiens play home games in Dante's Seventh Circle Arena, returns the netherworld to its natural state.

In other words, after pointing out a couple of instances where I was (gasp!) right, here are a couple of things about which I've been proven wrong, or am about to be proven wrong.

First up: Your Los Angeles Lakers.

Whom the Blob sometime back said would probably make the playoffs this season, but hadn't suddenly become a favorite to win it all -- as a lot of folks opined after Anthony Davis joined LeBron in L.A. The Blob pooh-poohed this notion to a fare-thee-well. It said, yeah, A.D. is a game-changer, but not that much of a game-changer.

As someone once said: "Ahem."

Because, hey, look at this, the Lake Show is now 17-2. LeBron 'n' A.D. 'n' them have won 10 in a row. They're beating everyone like kettle drums.

So, OK, the Blob was wrong. Because not only have the Lakers become a favorite to win it all, they might be, at this early juncture, the favorite.

And speaking of favorites, or not ...

Come on down, you Indianapolis Colts!

Whom the Blob confidently predicted would win the AFC South even without Andrew Luck, because Jacoby Brissett is better than everyone thinks he is, and the Colts still had T.Y. and Marlon Mack and that O-line and a young, emerging defense.

What they didn't have, and what the Blob neglected to mention, was a decent supply of bubble wrap.

If they did, they wouldn't have had the injuries that have weakened them (including to Brissett and T.Y. and Mack and Eric Ebron), and they wouldn't be where they are, sitting at 6-5 after losing a critical divisional game to the Houston Texans. They're now a game back of the Texans, they've lost three of their last four, and later they have to play Drew Brees and the Saints in New Orleans.

On the other hand, they also have immensely winnable games against the Buccaneers, Jaguars and Panthers left. And the Texans still have to play the Patriots this weekend . So it could still happen.

But it's nowhere near the sure thing the Blob said it would be. So slot this pre-emptively into the "wrong" column, too.

And stand by as Hell gets toasty again.

Rivalry weak

Look, it's pretty much received wisdom in a lot of parts that, given enough time and opportunity, college kids -- not all, but some -- are apt to do dumb stuff. It's college. They're out from under the all-seeing parental eye. Time to smuggle a live goat into the president's office!

That's why a piece of the Blob (albeit a very tiny piece) feels the pain of Ole Miss wide receiver Elijah Moore this morning. In the annals of college football rivalries, after all, lots of dumbness has been perpetuated across the decades. But nothing quite this dumb.

What Moore did was, he cost Ole Miss its shot at beating Mississippi State in their annual Egg Bowl argument, which has been going on since 1904. Or pretty much did.

Mississippi State won the 116th Egg Bowl 21-20 when Luke Logan missed a 35-yard extra point attempt that would have tied the game and forced overtime. And the reason he was attempting an extra point from 35 yards is because Moore, after scoring the potential tying touchdown, celebrated by dropping to his knees and pantomiming a dog peeing.

Now, there are end zone celebrations and there are end zone celebrations, but this wasn't even a good end zone celebration. This was a flat-out bizarre end zone celebration, not to say an especially disgusting insult to a fierce rival (which, frankly, sometimes happens in these rivalry deals).

In any case, Moore was flagged for his indiscretion. The penalty was marched off. And the extra-long extra point that resulted missed, and Moore's insult backfired in the worst way possible.

Dumb. Really, really dumb.

But so college, somehow.

Thanks be

It's the day before the Day of Turkeycide, also the Day of Piecide, also the Day of Wait, What The Hell Is In This Jell-O Mold? It's a day when we pause to give thanks for all that we have, and for making it through another year on the high side of the dirt.

And so, here -- before we bow our heads in gratitude, even for that weird casserole Aunt Myrtle always brings -- are a few Blobbish things for which to be thankful:

* It's only Thanksgiving and college basketball is already insane.

Or maybe you thought Evansville beating Kentucky in Rupp Arena and Stephen F. Austin shocking Duke in Cameron Indoor was, you know, just business as usual.

Twice in two weeks now we've seen upsets we don't usually see until the first weekend of March Madness, and, man, it is glorious. Especially Duke losing at home to Stephen F. Austin last night, because, well, it's Duke, and also because the Blue Devils were a 27-and-a-half-point favorite.

That makes this the biggest upset in the last 15 years.

Great job, Dukesters!

* The NFL season is three-fourths over.

Rejoice, Lions fans, Bears fans, Bengals fans, Dolphins fans, Washington Football Club fans, Falcons fans, Broncos fans. Your suffering is almost over.

* It's only Thanksgiving and we can already say for sure that the Golden State Warriors will not be in the NBA Finals for the first time in eleventy-hundred years.

OK, so, probably will not. Maybe. Perhaps.

After all, it's still early in the NBA's season, which lasts as long as it would take Captain Kirk and his crew to reach Vulcan on impulse power. But the Warriors are 3-15 right now, dead last in the Western Conference, and they don't have Kevin Durant anymore, and they won't have Klay Thompson this season. So it's basically Steph and Draymond against the world.

The really bad news?

Steph and Draymond are both sidelined with injuries right now. And Steph's injury is a broken hand that is expected to keep him on the shelf for three months.

This means it's a brave new world out there, full of Clippers and Lakers and Nuggets and Bucks and even, oh my god, Suns -- who, if the season ended today, would be in the playoffs.

Fun times.

* It's only Thanksgiving and no one is debating whether Alabama or Clemson is the best team in college football.

This is because they're debating whether Ohio State or LSU is the best team in college football.

Which, you know, is refreshing.

Also, it's only 10 days until the Army-Navy game -- the rivalry that historically defines what the sport should always be, but so seldom is now that it's become the NFL with better fight songs.

And last but not least ...

* It's only Thanksgiving, which means it's still five months until my cruddy Pittsburgh Pirates commence losing again.

"Noooo! Not that again!" you're saying.

Oh, please. Here. Have some more of Aunt Myrtle's casserole.

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 12

And now a special Thanksgiving week edition of The NFL In So Many Words, a thankfully brief, if chronic, Blob feature which critics have called "a veritable feast of idiocy," and also "a turkey with all the trimmings, including giblets, whatever the hell they are":

1. Aww, look at Dwayne Haskins over there, taking selfies with the fans.

2. Aww, look at Joe Theismann over there, shouting at clouds and shaking his bony fist at those damn kids on his lawn and what-not.

3. "I AM SHOUTING AT CLOUDS AND SHAKING MY BONY FIST AT THOSE DAMN KIDS ON MY LAWN AND WHAT-NOT!" (Joe Theismann)

4. "OK, boomer!" (The fans taking selfies with Dwayne Haskins)

5. "Hey! He's not Boomer, I'm Boomer!" (Boomer Esiason)

6. (Also Chris Berman)

7. Meanwhile, the Bears are thankful for the Giants, the Washington Football Club is thankful for the Lions, and the Bengals are thankful this will all be over soon.

8. Also meanwhile, Lamar Jackson continues to never, ever, ever be a successful NFL quarterback.

9. "Well, he won't be!" (Mel Kiper Jr.)

10. "OK, boomer!" (Everyone else)

Fan of the year

And now, because it's Thanksgiving week, and because Chicago Bears fans have had to watch Mitch Trubisky deface the quarterback position the ENTIRE STINKIN' SEASON, the Blob offers up at least one guy wearing a Bears jersey who knows what's what.

Come on down, Pumpkin Pie Guy!

I mean, how seriously awesome is this?

Dude smuggled an entire pumpkin pie (and Reddi-Whip!) into Soldier Field. No, I don't know how he did it. Must have somehow disabled the Pumpkin Pie Detector, then paid security to look the other way at the Whipped Cream In A Can Detector.

Man. Good thing he didn't try to smuggle in any yams.

I mean, would that have been your basic nightmare security scenario or what? Unfettered yams in a packed stadium? And what if there'd been crescent rolls involved?

Oh, the humanity. Or something like that,

In any case ... hell of a day for Pumpkin Pie Guy. He got his pie and ate it, too. And the Bears actually won for once, even if it was just the Giants so it didn't really count.

Bon appetit!

The stubbornness of culture

He slumped on a folding chair in the bowels of Memorial Stadium, head down, wine-dark cap and jacket darkened further by the afternoon's rain. Words came out of him in slow, soft syllables, like air leaking from a balloon. The weight of everything that had seemed possible pressed down on him like an invisible yoke.

Tom Allen, 2019, after Michigan 39, Indiana 14?

No.

Bill Mallory, 1986, after Michigan 38, Indiana 14.

And now you see it, do you not?

You see what Mallory was up against, what Lee Corso was up against, what Cam Cameron and Terry Hoeppner and all of them were up against, down where the southern Indiana hills blaze orange and yellow and crimson in the fall. It is institutional, what Indiana football is and was and seems always to have been. There have been some pretty good years and some better-than-pretty-good years and a whole lot of beige years, but in the end the mythical corner remains unturned.

You're still a school whose brand is basketball and whose true season begins, not ends, in November. You're still a school with one visit to the Rose Bowl in all its decades upon decades playing football in the fall.

And yet ...

And yet, it did seem possible this time, even for those of us who knew all the setup lines by heart. Allen brought an Indiana team to Saturday which had done things Indiana teams haven't done in decades, had instilled in it confidence and expectation. And waiting was a Michigan team that was good but not great -- a Michigan team that could be had if you caught it on the right Saturday.

And what better Saturday than the one before the Wolverines' great rivalry showdown with Ohio State?

Meanwhile Indiana had pushed No. 9 Penn State to the brink in Happy Valley a week ago, losing in the end by a touchdown. The Hoosiers were 7-3 for the first time since the Rose Bowl season 52 years ago, and were guaranteed a winning record for the first time in 12 years. And when they jumped out 7-0 and 14-7 on the Wolverines, it looked exactly like the dogfight all of the above seemed to promise.

And then ...

And then Michigan scored the last 32 points of the game, and it was just another blowout loss to somebody good.

And again we were reminded how stubborn culture can be, and what monumental lifting it takes to change it for keeps. Because this has been Indiana football all over for as long as memory holds, even in its bowl years: Good enough to beat the fair-to-middling teams, occasionally almost good enough to take down the heavyweights, but in the end ... not really.

It has been 33 years since that scene in the bowels of Memorial Stadium, but the tie that binds it to yesterday remains clearly delineated. I was a 31-year-old sportswriter then, and I am 64 years old now, but I can still see Mallory sitting there, still see that weight of dashed possibility. And I can remember how I led off my column that day.

Bill Mallory had thought he was done with these scenes forever ...

As Tom Allen did yesterday, no doubt. As Tom Allen did yesterday.

A chilly day in the Bad Place

The Blob is not one for tooting its own horn ("Right, you bring the whole orchestra," you're saying). But the last time it was right about two things at once, Chester Arthur was president, and what it was right about then was A) this baseball looks like it might catch on, and, B) Chester Arthur sure looks like a one-term president to me.

So indulge, if you will. Hell doesn't get parka weather very often, so it's important to make note of it when it does.

In other words, the Blob was right about Luka Doncic. And it looks like it was right about the NFL in Los Angeles, too.

Being right about Luka Doncic actually started a couple of years ago, when the Blob tapped into a YouTube video of the young Slovenian basketball phenom. Doncic was all of 17 years old then, and he was already playing in the top European pro league. And not just playing in it, understand, but dominating it.

The Blob took one look at that video and immediately thought it was looking at a young Larry Bird.  And thought Doncic, who was projected as a high lottery pick (which is why I was looking at the video), was going to be a Next Big Thing in the NBA.

"Yeah, but you never know with these European guys," some people told me.

"Trust me," I replied.

Well. Fast forward a couple of years, and Doncic is this: A whole bunch of stuff no 20-year-old in NBA history has ever been.

We're only 14 games into the season, for one thing, and already Doncic has seven triple-doubles. No 20-year-old has ever done that. He's averaging 29.9 points per game, and no 20-year-old has ever done that. He's also averaging better 10 rebounds, nine assists and 1.4 steals.

In the other words, he's exactly what the Blob saw on that YouTube video two years ago -- a young Larry Bird.

Meanwhile, in L.A. ...

Well, there is this.

And while I'm not one to say I told you so, I told you so. Back when crustaceous Rams owner Stan Kroenke kicked St. Louis to the curb, donned a pair of Oakleys and went winging off to Tinseltown, the Blob reminded everyone that L.A. was not and never had been an NFL market.

The Chargers began there before fleeing for San Diego as fast as their little Charger legs could carry them. The Rams never could steal Angelenos' hearts from the Lakers, USC football and the Dodgers (not to mention Malibu's tasty waves and the glories of Rodeo Drive). The Raiders came, saw and went back to re-conquer Oakland. The L.A. Express of the USFL, despite a glitzy brand of football led by quarterback Steve Young, played mostly to echoes.

But the NFL still lusted after L.A.'s beefy media market, and so back came the Rams. And back came the Chargers. And now, less than four years after the Rams moved back, here's a story telling us that the gaudy new Cathedral O' Sweat currently under construction as the two teams' new home may be the only thing that can save the NFL in L.A.

To which the Blob says: Like no one saw that coming.

Also: And it didn't take very long, did it?

"Not nearly as long as it took you to be right about two different things," you're saying.

Yeah, yeah.