Worst. Fan. Ever.

 Comes now news out of the hoity-toity section of Detroit, and, listen, if this isn't the all-time king of the intermittent Blob feature Fans Behaving Badly, there will never be an all-time king.

It seems a visiting Bedford High School fan, apparently distressed that the boys were getting ball-peened 42-0 by Grosse Pointe South in a football game, walked into the Grosse Pointe school building and ... well, and ...

Pooped in the hallway.

"He did WHAT??" you're saying now.

Pooped. Defecated. Left a calling card. Choose your description.

Now, I have to admit, the Blob has been sitting on this (OK, bad choice of words) for several days, because I was extremely suspicious of its provenance. This is generally the Blob's standard social media policy in the age of artificial intelligence and political hack sites both right and left, and it's served me well. Otherwise I really might have believed Lauren Boebert had landed a job as a server at Hooter's (check out the meme!), or that Bill and Hillary Clinton had a marriage unblemished by cheating or scandal.

Anyway, I held off until I saw numerous legit news organizations in the Detroit metro area had picked up the story. So, yeah, I guess it's true, and now come the one-liners, which don't exactly  write themselves but don't require a lot of outside assistance, either. 

Why did the Beford High football fan poop in a Grosse Pointe South hallway?

Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

He just wanted to put the "gross" in Grosse Pointe.

He could only find the girls restroom and he didn't want to be accused of being one of those transgenders.

And last but not least:

Those three chili cheese dogs he ate before coming to the game were exacting their natural revenge.

Me?

As a former journo, I wanted someone to follow Jimmy Breslin's lead, sort of, when he interviewed the guy who dug John F. Kennedy's grave. 

I wanted to see an interview with the janitor who had to clean up the mess. Yikes.