National Fashion Loonies

 Word comes down now that Bears quarterback Caleb Williams has been fined again for a wardrobe violation, and all the Blob can say about that is … 

Well. The Blob doesn’t say anything about that. It just rolls its eyes and sighs. Again.

It does this because the acronym “NFL” doesn’t just stand for “National Football League,” or even “Not For Long.” Apparently it also stands for “National Fashion Loonies.”

They’re the kings of the Untucked Jersey Fine, these Loonies, as well as the lords of the Wrong-Color Shoes Fine, the Eyeblack Message Fine and, going way back, the Message On The Headband Fine (Hello, Jim McMahon!). 

They’re the Regulation Nazis who threatened to fine Colts quarterback Peyton Manning if he wore black high-tops to honor John Unitas, a Colts and NFL icon, when Unitas passed away. Sorry, Peyton. Those shoes are not league-approved. And Unitas is dead now, so it’s not like he’d know anyway.

Aye-yi-yi. The mindless conformity, it stings.

Which brings us back to Caleb Williams again.

Who’s been wearing a brand of cleats called Caddix since returning from a hamstring injury two weeks ago, because  Caddix makes an innovative cleat that rotates with a player’s movements and helps protect his lower-body joints. The NFL now has fined Williams close to $36,000 for wearing them.

His crime: Failing to properly cover up the logo. 

No, really. I’m not making this up.

See, the NFL has licensing deals with just three apparel providers — Nike, Adidas and UnderArmour. If a player chooses to wear a different brand, he must cover up the logo. 

It’s a money deal, after all. And we all know how the NFL loves its money deals. 

Here’s the thing, though: If the NFL really was as concerned about player safety as it claims to be, wouldn’t it simply tell Williams, “We’re all for equipment that minimizes injury, but cover up the logo next time”? What’s the point of fining a guy five figures unless you’re  A) far more interested in protecting your chunky apparel deal than player safety, or B) just being as numbingly hive-minded as any other corporate monolith? 

Questions I suppose will never get answered, alas.