And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words -- the multidimensional Blob that features time travel and teleporting, and of which critics have said "Can we go back to a time before you thought up this crap?", and also "Imma send you to another dimension with my fist, pal":
1. In Chicago, Case Keenum arrives from 2014, throws for two scores and runs for another, and helps the Bears pave the Eagles, 27-7.
2. "Hey, no fair! You can't add a guy from 2014 to your roster!" (The Eagles)
3. "Oh, yeah?" (Mike Singletary, who arrived from 1985 and made nine tackles for loss)
4. In other news, Drake Maye's doppelganger and Justin Herbert's doppelganger from an alternate universe where quarterbacks play like goofs continued to play like goofs. Maye threw three picks in the Patriots' 35-6 wipeout against the Jaguars, and Herbert threw a horrendous pick and the Bills dropped two others in the latter's 24-16 win over the Chargers.
5. "We're Brazil's Team!" (The Cowboys, teleported to Rio de Janeiro to play the Ravens)
6. "No, you're not!" (The Ravens, who won the Teleport Bowl on a last-second field goal)
7. "Hey, no fair! You can't add 2011 Aaron Rodgers to your roster!" (The Bengals, who lost 30-27 to the Steelers as Rodgers threw for 292 yards and three scores)
8. "I feel like I'm 27 again! Oh, wait I am!" (Aaron Rodgers, who's actually either 42, 57 or 65)
9. "Hey, no fair! How come we can't add 2011 Aaron Rodgers to OUR roster?" (The Packers, for whom 2011 Rodgers actually played, and who were trucked in Lambeau by the Falcons, 35-14)
10. "Woo-hoo! We're 2-1! Feels like we've been teleported back to '86, '87 or any number of other years when our hearts got curb-stomped!" (Browns fans)
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