Missin' out

 BYU beat Georgia Tech 25-21 last night in the Blob's new favorite irrelevant bowl game, the Pop-Tarts Bowl, and too bad for you, Notre Dame. You decided the Pop-Tarts Bowl wasn't worth the net loss, which it probably wasn't. But, hey, man: Sprinkles!

Sprinkles in the end zones. Sprinkles on the sidelines. Sprinkles on the players' helmets.

But no sprinkles for you, Irish!

You missed out, if I may be so bold. You missed out on a Pop-Tart mascot grilling Pop-Tarts on the sideline. You missed out on a chance to hoist the Pop-Tarts Bowl trophy, which, no lie, is an actual working toaster. You missed out on the ritual postgame sacrifice of a couple of Pop-Tarts mascots, who disappeared into a giant toaster and emerged at the bottom (as if by magic!) as a couple of for-real giant Pop-Tarts for the victorious Cougars to feast upon.

What did you feast upon last night, you sons of Erin? I bet it wasn't as good as a giant Frosted Cherry or Frosted Cookies-&-Creme Pop-Tart, which were the two sacrifice-ees to BYU's prodigious appetite.

(Know what else? There was actually a THIRD Pop-Tart scheduled to be sacrificed. But at the last second the Protein Slammin' Strawberry Pop-Tart jumped off the giant toaster and escaped his grisly fate.)

Anyway, too bad for you, Irish. You likely would have smoked BYU had you accepted the expected Pop-Tarts Bowl invite, and that would have been you chowin' down on six feet or so of pure deliciousness. Instead you settled for, I don't know, maybe Arby's instead. 

They have the meats, after all.

But the Pop-Tarts Bowl had the sweets. 

Your loss.