Name that excess

 Fearless Leader was in the booth for a bit at the Lions-Commanders game yesterday, but the sound was down so I couldn't quite hear what he was saying. He did look quite cheerful and animated, however, which suggests perhaps he was contemplating deporting Lions wideout Aman-Ra St. Brown because his name sounded illegal or something.

I mean, you never know with this guy.

More likely, though, he was talking about the plans for a new stadium for the hometown Commanders, a deal for which Fearless Leader (or at least his propaganda ministers) is taking full credit. According to ESPN, F.L. has expressed a desire to have the new stadium named for ... well, him. You know, as a thank you.

Personally I think this is a splendid idea.

Then again, I've always been a big fan of tacky excess, and you know a facility named Trump Stadium or the Trumpdome or The Presidential Su-weeeet would be Full Metal Tacky Excess. I envision lots of Home Depot gold leaf, a Jumbotron outlined in costume jewelry from the Home Shopping Network and a solid-gold statue of Fearless Leader out front, leaning resolutely on a 3-wood.

The statue, including base, would be 18 feet tall. That's because Tom Brady's statue and base outside Gillette Stadium measures 17 feet, and no way would Fearless Leader let a mere football player eclipse him.

Concessions? Oh, hell, yes, there'd be concessions. And not just the kind Fearless Leader has extorted from institutions of higher learning and all those weak-ass Democrats and what-not on the Hill.

No, THESE concessions would be stadium food, and it would be as gloriously excessive as everything else. A two-foot long Trump Dog (because a footlong would be too ordinary). Trumpcorn in two sizes, Vat and Super Lard-Ass Vat. The Don Burger, a one-pounder garnished with a block of cheese, a head of lettuce and two full Vidalia onions. Kristi Noem's Stop Or We'll Shoot Nachos, presented in a cardboard bowl shaped like an unmarked van and decorated with images of scary-looking roofers and landscapers.

Washed down, of course, with a Fearless Leader Cola and ICE Ice.

The highlight of every Sunday, of course, would be the moment the home team takes the gilt-edged field every as the re-re-named Washington Redskins, accompanied by the cheerleaders and team mascot. Oh, the pageantry! The very Fearless Leader-ness!

The cheerleaders would dance out wearing fake Native American headbands, skimpy buckskin fringe and moccasins from J. Crew. The mascot would be a white guy in fake Native American dress, waving a rubber tomahawk and performing a "war dance" that looks curiously like John Travolta doing his thing in "Saturday Night Fever."

Say hello to Chief Wampum Stomp'em, boys and girls. And his backup band, the Squaw Squad.

Why, you can just see it, can't you?

Well, OK. But I can.