Cruds alert!*

 (* -- The offseason edition)

Wait ... where are you going, Blobophiles?

"We're bailing," you reply. "Because you're going to piss and moan about your Pittsburgh Cruds again, and for the umpteenth time NO ONE CARES ABOUT THEM, not even the immortal soul of Roberto Clemente probably, and least of all us."

But ... but what if I wasn't going to piss and moan about my Cruds? What if--

"Oh, please," you're saying. "You are. Especially now that Ben Cherington, the Pirates' GM, has said he's not trading Paul Skenes, because the Pirates are about to make a BIG BREAKTHROUGH, or, you know, a semi-breakthrough, and Skenes is going to be a major part of that."

But --

OK. You got me.

Yes, I am going to piss and moan about my Cruds, especially Cherington, who did indeed come out and say they're not trading Skenes, so neener-neener-neener. And double neener-neener-neener to you, Mr. Skenes, who when last seen was locked in the tower of Cruds owner Bob Nutting's tower like some damsel in distress.

(Brief pause as we imagine Nutting twirling his Snidely Whiplash 'stache and saying "Bwah-ha-ha-ha!")

Anyway, this pretty much confirms my plan to have a bunch of "Free Paul Skenes" T-shirts made up and shipped to P-town for distribution. He is, see, the best pitcher in baseball, and everyone wants him. But of course the Cruds aren't going to do the decent thing and trade him to a real baseball team. 

Which the C's are not.

What they are instead is an organization addicted to losing the way our illustrious Vice-President, Mini-Me Vance, is addicted to eye-liner. In the season just past, they returned for the second straight year to their ancestral home -- the cellar of the NL Central -- despite Skenes again channeling his inner Koufax; in 32 starts and 187 2/3 innings, he struck out 216 batters and led the majors with a 1.97 ERA.

But his won-loss was only 10-10, because the Cruds only won 71 games themselves and finished 20 games under .500. That was five games worse than last year, despite having a pitcher who may well win the NL Cy Young tomorrow.

Of course, Cherington swears that's all about to turn around. The other day he said something about "payroll flexibility" and how the Cruds have more of it this winter, and how they'll use the extra cash to improve an offense that ranked dead last in the majors in runs scored in 2025.

And blah-blah-blah, yadda-yadda-yadda.

In other words: Cruds Nation has heard all of this before. And in further other words?

Expect the Cruds to make a serious run at fourth place next season. Or, you know, not.