White Housed

 Been thinking a bit the last few days about The Supreme Leader's latest harebrained idea, and I say, why not? It beats the dog out of some of his other harebrained ideas, like putting cities he doesn't like under quasi-military occupation, and letting dopey billionaires vandalize federal agencies.

No, this latest has legs, and also arms, and also beaucoup tattoos. I'm speaking, of course, of Supreme Leader's idea to celebrate the nation's 250th birthday next year with an MMA fight on the grounds of the White House.

The President ran that one up the flagpole last week, and he's been unjustly pilloried since (full disclosure: yes, even on the Blob). Upon further review, I think it's a splendid idea. Sure, it's crass as all hell, but then so is the President. Remember those cheesy gold sneakers?

Anyway, I think turning the White House into a sporting venue has definite possibilities,  and could be a whole new tax base besides. The President has always regarded his office as just another personal revenue stream, after all. So imagine how much jack he could rake in on Housed At The White House, even after Dana White and MMA take their cut.

And, listen, it's not as if the White House has been all that sacred an icon in the past. Woodrow Wilson used to let sheep graze on the South Lawn, and Teddy Roosevelt staged boxing and wrestling and judo matches on the grounds -- albeit boxing and wrestling and judo matches involving himself. So in a way, an MMA match would be something of an homage to TR.

(Also, I think Teddy would love the idea. Or maybe not. He never sold tickets to his sporting exertions, after all. I imagine he would consider that beneath the dignity of his office.)

(Of course, as has been demonstrated many times before, very little is beneath The Supreme Leader..)

In any event, the Blob's famously cockeyed world view can conjure up all manner of, well, events to follow the MMA lead. Why, just imagine ...

* The Take It To The House 150.

In which they plow up the South Lawn, put in a dirt track and stage a NASCAR Cup race. Maybe knock down a fence or two and extend the course onto Pennsylvania Avenue. Let the President bring the field to the green like he did at Daytona, and then watch with baited breath as Ross Chastain tries to knock Joey Logano or whoever onto the South Portico. Hijinks ensue!

* The Field of Schemes Classic.

Hey, if Roy Kinsella can plow up half a cornfield to build a baseball diamond, why not the White House grounds? Probably wouldn't be big enough for a real MLB game, but the Dodgers and Yankees could put on a dandy Wiffle ball show. Watch Aaron Judge swat one onto the Truman Balcony!

* The Knute Rockne Would Have Loved This S*** Bowl.

Imagine Notre Dame, USC and a rousing game of touch football on the South Lawn. Let the President play tailback so he can prove he's as virile as any damn Kennedy. Game ball goes to the Secret Service agent who takes down the first poor slob to try to tag the Prez, who rushes for 462 yards on 12 carries and scores six touchdowns.

And last but not least ...

* The Big Mac And Fries McDonald's/President's Cup Open.

 Eighteen holes of mini-golf on a course that begins in the East Room, winds through the West Wing and finishes up in the Oval Office with the dreaded G. Gordon Liddy Windmill hole. 

The President, of course, would be one of the participants. He wins with a score of 17.

And promptly issues an executive order designating the Big Mac And Fries McDonald's/President's Cup Open as the fifth major.