Cruds alert!*

 (*Yes, again)

Good friend of mine posted an old Jim Leyland quote on my Face Thingy page the other day, and I don't think he was trying to be mean. First of all, he's not a mean person. Second of all, he knows I'm a Pittsburgh Pirates fan and Leyland managed the Buccos about a million years ago, when they were still the Buccos and not the incorrigible Cruds they are today.

Anyway, here's the quote: "I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the National Anthem on Opening Day, and one of my players said 'Every time I hear that song, I have a bad game.'"

Now that's a funny quote. And I think my friend knows me well enough to know I'd appreciate the humor in it, especially with the Cruds once again firmly ensconced in their ancestral home, the NL Central cellar.

The Cruds did manage to horse around and beat the Reds last night, but that's small beer. They're still just 16-33, 13 games behind the first-place Cubs in the Central. Heck, they're eight games out of next-to-last.

This makes my Cruds the third most horrific team in baseball behind their acknowledged betters in horrific-ness, the Chicago What Sox and Colorado Rockheads. But less than a week before Memorial Day, they're just a single W ahead of the What Sox, who set a record for Cruddiness last year unmatched not only in this century but also the last one. And the Cruds have already fired their manager, Derek Shelton.

As if he were the problem, doncha know.

Nah, every suffering yinzer in P-town knows who the problem is, and while the Blob is loathe to name names, his initials are Robert Nutting. He's the owner of the Cruds, piling up revenue sharing dough while the legacy of Roberto Clemente burns. He's also got one of the prettiest ballparks in the majors, even as he defaces it with one last-place team after another.

Couple of jokes: 

Who develops more talent than anyone else for the Yankees or Dodgers or every other high-rent club? Bob Nutting.

Who will look good in a couple years in a Yankees or Dodgers or Mets or similar uniform? Paul Skenes.

Ah, but enough bitterness and whining. There's always a bright side when you're a Cruds fan, and right now the bright side is this: At least we don't live in Denver.

Where the Rockheads are well on their way to not just a Cruddy season, but a transcendently Cruddy season. A season that will live for all eternity wherever baseball fans lift a glass and say, "Now THAT team really sucked."

As of this morning, see, the Rockheads are 8-40. They're two wins away from double figures, and it's almost Memorial Day. If they continue to lose at their current pace, they'll finish 26-132.

Twenty-six and 132! Heck, if my Cruds continue to lose at their current pace, they'll only finish 53-109. That means we Cruds fans will get to celebrate twice as many wins as those poor jamokes in Denver.

Suddenly I feel all warm inside.

I also wonder if, come October, a new banner will fly proudly in PNC Park alongside the ones celebrating the occupants' five World Series titles.

ONLY HALF AS CRUDDY AS COLORADO 2025, it will read.