Gettin' drafty, Part ...

 ... ah, whatever.

In this episode, we revisit a popular long-running series, "The Cleveland Browns  Did WHAT?", in which the Browns, having already selected Oregon quarterback Dillon Gabriel in the third round, decide "Ah, what the hell" and take Shedeur Sanders in the fifth round.

"The Browns did WHAT?" America replied, right on cue.

The Browns took Shedeur Sanders, after already passing on him, I don't know, two or three other times, and having already taken another quarterback. Why, you ask? Beats me. They're the Browns, isn't that answer enough?

Anyway, they now have a quarterback room that looks like a half-off rack at TJ Maxx. You've got Deshaun Watson, all but washed after a series of injuries and disgraced as a serial paw-er of massage therapists. You've got Joe Flacco, who's, like, 85 years old. And you've got Kenny Pickett, who flopped in Pittsburgh and now has a terrific chance to flop in Cleveland.

That was a weird enough mix. But the Browns, apparently thinking "We can get EVEN WEIRDER", are adding two rookies -- one of whom (Gabriel) is probably wondering what the hell is going on, and the other of whom (Sanders) reportedly raised so many red flags at the combine teams ran from him in the draft as if he were the Johnstown Flood.

Imagine the vibe in the room when that crowd gets together for the first time. Never mind, I'll imagine it for you ...

Watson: OK, guys, since I'm clearly the presumptive starter here ...

Everyone else: The presumptive WHAT?

Pickett: Not a chance, dude. I'm the man. Forget Pittsburgh trading me to Philly, and Philly palming me off on this train wreck. See this here? This here's a Super Bowl ring. What's that tell ya, losers?

Watson: That everyone on the Eagles including the second-floor janitor got Super Bowl rings?

Flacco: Yeah, I've got a Super Bowl ring, remember? No, really, remember? 'Cause I can't.

Gabriel: Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?

Sanders: What's going on is I'm here to change this sorry franchise's culture. The future is now, baby, and the future is me!

Gabriel (frowning): I thought I was the future. 

Sanders: No way, Duck Boy. Look at this gem-encrusted watch! Look at this gem-encrusted Flavor Flav-sized pendant! And how about the draft room I decorated with "Legendary" all over it? You think I'd have done that if I weren't, you know, LEGENDARY?

(Everyone rolls their eyes and sighs)

Watson: Yeah, OK, fifth-rounder.

Pickett: What he said.

Flacco: Is it time for lunch yet? Also, what day is it? Thursday, right? Thursday?

Gabriel: Can someone PLEASE tell me what the hell is going on? Please?

Watson, Flacco, Pickett (in unison): Of course we can't! No one can! Welcome to the Browns!