America's "Meh"

 Cam Newton got on his podcast the other day and said the Dallas Cowboys are no longer America's Team, and I for one am glad someone finally said it. I mean, everyone knows the Indiana Caitlin Clarks are the real America's Team, right?

(Kidding. But you could make a case.)

Anyway, I'm glad Cam said it because I'm always glad when someone is bold enough to say the Emperor's naked, even when it's perfectly obvious the Emperor is. The way some yappers in the sports blab-iverse reacted, though, it was as if Cam was saying something controversial instead of something that's been true for 30 years or so.

Yes, the Cowboys still sell lots of apparel, and that star logo is still one of the most iconic in American sports. But they're no more America's Team these days than the Atlanta Braves were back when Ted Turner's cable network started beaming their games from Seattle to Miami. 

This is because you can't just base the America's Team deal on how saleable their brand is, in the Blob's humble opinion. At some point you have to walk the walk, too.

Which the Cowboys haven't done since Don Meredith was freezing his tuchis off in the Ice Bowl.

And, OK, so it hasn't been that long, but sometimes it seems like it. Since the last time Emmitt Smith and his crew hoisted the Lombardi Trophy in 1995, the Cowboys have won all of four playoff games. In the next 13 seasons, they lost every playoff game they were in (six). And between '95 and 2023, they missed the playoffs entirely 11 times.

This is not how an America's Team behaves. This is more like America's "Meh." 

It's like saying the Miami Marlins are America's Baseball Team instead of, say, the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox or Los Angeles Dodgers. It's like saying the Boston Celtics may be NBA champs, but the Houston Rockets are the pro buckets team that owns America's heart.

No, if there's an America's Team in the NFL now, it's clearly the Kansas City Chiefs, as Cam also pointed out. They've got Andy. They've got Patrick. They've got Travis Kelce and Mom Kelce and, oh, yeah, Taylor Swift.

America doesn't get much more America than the tight end of the Super Bowl champions going steady with the brightest star in the entertainment firmament. It's kinda like if some glamboy Cowboys wideout had married some glamgirl entertainer back in the day.

Oh, wait. That actually happened. Remember Lance Rentzel and Joey Heatherton, who got hitched in 1969?

Back when, you know, the Cowboys really were America's Team.