Alien landscape

 Got a look the other day at someone's predicted finish for Big Ten football this fall, and at first glance I thought it was a preseason national poll. That's how absolutely alien it looked to my trained-but-not-yet-ready-for-this eye.

Eighteen schools. Eighteen. Ohio State and Michigan and Iowa and Indiana and Purdue, and  USC and UCLA and Washington and Oregon in there, too. And, yes, I know, it shouldn't have been so disorienting, because we've had a full year to get used to this odd new reality.

But, damn. Dee-yam. How are relics like me ever going to see this new normal as anything but abnormal, a humble little Midwestern conference transforming into what, on paper, looks like the AP top 25 until you eventually notice it's short seven spots?

Yeesh. I'm still shaking my bony fist about the Big Ten adding Rutgers and Maryland. The hell do I do about this?

I get used to it, I suppose, same as I got used to the Southwest Conference going away back in the before time, same as I got used to Penn State joining the humble Midwestern conference and Nebraska forsaking the Big 12 and its ancient rival Oklahoma to become a Big Ten school. Neither had any history in the conference, and Maryland and Rutgers for damn sure don't (Maryland will always be an ACC school to me, and I don't want to hear a word about it).

But USC? UCLA? Oregon and Washington?

This is too much for me, even though I fully understand the economics of it. But I am too old. My cultural memory banks are full to the top with all the times Woody and Bo took their stodgy Ohio State and Michigan juggernauts to the Rose Bowl and got stepped on by USC with its shiny modern ways.

 I still remember Don James and Washington beating Bo and Michigan in the Rose Bowl in 1978. Remember the UCLA teams of Tommy Prothro and Dick Vermeil and Terry Donohue. Remember when the West Coast was the West Coast and the Midwest was the Midwest, and each had its own distinct brand.

Now I look at this predicted order of finish in the Big Eighteen, and I see Oregon at No. 2, just behind Ohio State.

I see UCLA in there and Washington and USC, all mixed in with Michigan and Iowa and Indiana and Purdue. And Northwestern. And Michigan State. And Wisconsin, Minnesota, Illinois, etc.

Purdue, alas, is predicted to finish in a tie for dead last with Michigan State.

And Indiana?

The Hoosiers come in at 12th. If the prognosticators are right, that means they'll probably be in the hunt for a bowl berth, which would be absolutely hilarious.

Think about it: The entirety of the old Big Ten playing in bowl games, and then some.

I can't. I just can't.