A Cup in limbo

 Forget the Florida Panthers and their self-imposed jet lag, for a moment. Let's talk about the guys in the white gloves instead.

Let's talk about the Guardians of Lord Stanley (this is not an official title, but it should be), who've had to lug the most iconic trophy in sports twice across the continent in the last five days. And they have the Edmonton Oilers, and mostly Connor McDavid, to either thank or curse for that.

 This is because the Oilers lost the first three games of the Stanley Cup Final to the Florida Panthers, and then they got stubborn as a 3-year-old about things. Refused to lose Game 4, instead blowing out the P's 8-1 as McDavid dropped a goal and three assists. Then, though threatened to be sent to their room without supper if they didn't stop acting out, they acted out again, beating the Panthers 5-3 in Game 5 to, as McDavid put it, "drag 'em back to Alberta."

McDavid had another four-point game in that one, by the way. The only other player in history to have multiple four-point games in a Stanley Cup Final is named Wayne Gretzky. Perhaps you've heard of him.

Anyway, it compelled the Panthers to board another plane for the 2,541-mile flight back to Edmonton, and I'm guessing the P's were JUST THRILLED ABOUT IT. Even more thrilled, I bet, were the guys in the white gloves, who had Stanley ready Saturday night in case the Panthers wrapped it up, then had to put the Cup on a plane to Florida in case the Panthers wrapped it up there, and then had to put the Cup on a plane again to fly it back to Edmonton when the P's couldn't close the deal.

(And, yes, before you say anything, I know this is probably not exactly how it works. But bear with me. I'm trying to capture the spirit of the thing, as the immortal scribe Dicky Dunn said in "Slapshot.")

Anyway ...

Anyway, because I'm weird that way, I'm now trying to imagine what Stanley would be saying at this point if he suddenly became sentient and self-aware. I figure it goes something like this:

Stanley: "Oh, come on! ANOTHER plane ride? I hate flying! It's cramped as hell in that overhead bin!"

Guys In White Gloves: "Ah, quit yer bitchin'. WE'RE the ones who have to lug you around all over creation, remember. Edmonton, Miami; Miami, Edmonton. Jesus, Florida, just close the deal, already.

"Oh, and by the way? You're not in some overhead bin, and you know it. The lady in 12C took up all the space with her two steamer trunks."

Stanley: "Yeah, but ..."

Guys: "But nothin'. You should consider yourself lucky we didn't check your ass when we boarded. The luggage handlers coulda been playing blanket toss with you right now. So consider yourself lucky we actually bought you a seat here in coach."

Stanley: "Yeah, but it's a middle seat. Middle seats suck. Especially when I gotta sit between you two. You might wanna lay off the Tim Horton's Timbits for awhile, know what I mean?"

Guys: "Oh, shut up. Look, we're about to land in Edmonton. With any luck the Panthers get off their heinies and win tomorrow, and we won't have to haul you clear across the continent again."

Stanley: "Fine with me, tubbo.

"Hey. You gonna eat those peanuts?"