Indigestion Day

 The Fourth of July weekend begins in two days, and we all know what that means. 

Beer. Grilled meat. Shelling the German lines at the Somme, or whatever you call the annual barrage of ordinance that turns your neighborhood into the West Bank and dogs and veterans into quivering wrecks.

Oh, yeah. And let's not forget the splendid irony of fat guys hollering about athletes disrespecting the American flag while they traipse around in American flag Speedos and tank tops. 

Now there's some disrespect, by God.

There's also baseball on Fourth of July weekend, and apple pie, and hotdogs. Which brings us to perhaps the most quintessentially American event of the weekend, and the most quintessential American.

Joey Chestnut, come on down!

Because nothing says America like America's most prodigious glutton, and the event that's made him a household name, the Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest. It's become a Fourth of July tradition, and Joey is its MJ. Some would even call what he does a sport.

I would not. I would, however, concede it embraces the American zeitgeist like few other things.

Excess is our process, after all, and disparity, too, and the spectacle of Joey stuffing his face with eleventy-five hotdogs perfectly illustrates both. While Joey entertains with the ultimate in conspicuous consumption, see, Americans of lesser fortune are overwhelming food banks and dumpster-diving like Zeros diving on the Arizona. It is the eternal  dichotomy of American life: The haves have to absurd heights, and the have-nots literally scramble for the scraps from their tables.

And, yes, I know this is where the usual suspects would tell me to lighten up, it's all just for fun (and charity, too, to be fair). I get that. I do. But as someone who once made deliveries to my church's own food bank, I can't help wondering how many folks would benefit from all the 'dogs Joey and his competitors gobble down just for kicks.

Besides, let's be honest here: The whole thing's kinda gross if you've ever watched it. 

So there's that, too, I guess.