Feeling a draft

 Look, I don't have clue one what's going to happen Thursday in the NFL Draft, which is the Shield's version of the Oscars without the red carpet. The difference between the Blob and every draftnik in America is the Blob will tell you that.

Truth is, no one knows what's going to happen Thursday until it happens, no matter how many mock drafts people put out there. And some of them are, you know, out there.

For instance, I saw one the other day that had the Colts taking Texas Tech edge rusher Tyree Wilson with the No. 4 pick.

"But I thought the Colts were taking a a quarterback!" you're saying now.

Well, that's what everyone ASSUMES. But no one really KNOWS. And that's because every front office in the NFL lies through its teeth about the draft. Hell, Indy GM Chris Ballard admitted it the other day.

Of course, if everyone's lying, then that includes Ballard. So he could have been lying about everyone lying.

This is why the Blob pays meager attention to the Draft before the actual Draft. Which means this is not where you come to find out if the Carolina Panthers will take Alabama QB Bryce Young with the No. 1 pick, or Ohio State QB C.J. Stroud, or go completely off the rails and take a Will Levis or Hendon Hooker.

Beats me. For all I know, the Panthers will take T.J. Hooker with the top pick. Or maybe Fair Hooker, the old Cleveland Browns wideout with the greatest name in NFL history.

And the Colts?

Yeesh.

Ballard says they won't try to move up from the 4 slot, but, again, Everyone Lies. So maybe they trade for the 3 pick if Houston bails on Stroud, or just sit tight and take Anthony Richardson, the project QB whose athleticism has everyone's head spinning, the way Jamarcus Russell’s once did.

OK. So bad example.

Anyway, some people now have Levis going No. 2 to the Texans. He's got a great arm and eats bananas with the peels on. That's all I know about him.

Stroud, meanwhile, apparently did poorly on some cognitive test or other. Or he didn’t. Everyone etc., etc., remember? Anyway,  some people think this means his draft status will take a hit because everyone knows cognitive tests are more important than whether a guy can thread the ball into the tightest of windows while under pressure. 

I mean, weren't Tom Brady and Peyton Manning great because they filled in the right dots with their No. 2 pencils? Or whatever a cognitive test involves?

Meanwhile, the draftniks are in a lather about where edge rushers Will Anderson and Jalen Carter will land, or if Texas running back Bijan Robinson will go earlier than a running back should these days, or who the Lions or Bears or Packers will take.

My prediction is a defensive back or an offensive lineman or a linebacker or a tight end, or maybe a wide receiver or defensive tackle. The draftniks tell me it all depends on Needs and Wants and Who's Available, but I can't say for sure.

They could be lying, after all.