First of April thoughts

 NEW ORLEANS -- In an announcement that caught fans, media and even his own players completely unawares, Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski said at his Final Four media availability Friday he was not retiring after all, but would return for yet another season.

"April Fool's, mother(bleepers)!" Coach K shouted, cackling madly. "I ain't goin' anywhere, so suck on THAT! I figured telling my guys this was the last rodeo was the only way I could get that buncha sadsacks to the Final Four. And by God it WORKED!  And as for you media gerbils ...

"Man, you swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Just like I knew you would, 'cause let's face it, you guys are NONE TOO BRIGHT. And those dopes over in Chapel Hill? I even got 'em to give me A GOING-AWAY OVATION! Which reminds me of a joke: What does a Tar Heel say to a Blue Devil? 'Would you like fries with that?' Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

OK. Enough.

I mean, it wasn't even that good an April Fool's joke, not like, say, the Los Angeles Lakers. And it will especially be a joke next week, when Lakers GM LeBron James -- sorry, I meant "Rob Pelinka" -- announces the blockbuster deal currently in the works to trade LeBron, Anthony Davis and Anthony Davis's line of personal orthopedic health care products to the Indiana Pacers for their entire lineup.

Sorry! There I go again!

Frankly I've never been good at the whole April Fool's Day deal, because I can never craft anything juuuust plausible enough to get people to bite. Outlandish doesn't work on this day, and outlandish is what I do best. Like telling everyone Andrew Luck has decided to come back to the Colts after all, which everyone knows by now is never going to happen.

Still, it is fun to dream up fake headlines that some chumps -- extremely dumb ones, of course -- might actually believe for 30 seconds or so. Like, I don't know, "Massive Voter Fraud Returns Trump To White House After Biden 'Victory' Overturned"

Oh, wait. Some people still actually believe that will happen. And about half of them are in Congress.

No, I can think of some other April Fool's Day headlines that would be great fun, and not be completely ridiculous ...

"Manfred Reverses Course, Strips Astros Of  '17 World Series Title. 'Never Should Have Given Those A**holes The Trophy To Begin With,' He Says."

"USMNT Officials Caught Bribing World Cup Officials For A Spot In The Knockout Round. 'Not Like We're Gonna Get There Any Other Way,' Newly Discovered E-Mail Reads."

"Wimbledon Issues Lifetime Ban To Novak Djokovic 'Just For Being A Horse's Ass.'"

"Aaron Rodgers Changes Mind, Decides To Leave Green Bay After Blowing Up The Packers' Cap Space With New Deal. 'That'll Teach 'Em!' He Says."

And last but not least ...

"F1 Planning Third U.S, Race In Vegas In 2023."

Oh, wait. That one's actually true. 

And totally awesome.