Defining success down

 I can't tell you how much the win means today to me.

-- Bears coach Matt Nagy

Well, sure. After all, the Bears did shake off all the "distractions" surrounding Nagy's job status to BEAT THE DEFENDING SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS.

Wait ... they didn't?

OK, so they shook off the distractions to BEAT THE DIVISION LEADERS.

Wait ... so that's a no, too?

OK, OK. So they, um, beat the Lions.

The 0-10-1 Lions.

The doomstruck Lions.

The snakebit, God Hates Us, Bleepity-Bleep It, How Many Times Do We Have To Get Beat On a Last-Second Field Goal Lions.

Because, yeah, it happened again on Thanksgiving Day, because, yeah, the Lions. They trailed 13-7, then they wandered downfield to score a touchdown (It's a Thanksgiving miracle!) and take a 14-13 lead.

And then, of course, as morning follows night, they lost (It's the same old crap!) when the Bears' Cairo Santos kicked a game-winning, 28-yard field goal as the clock hit zeroes.

In Nagyland, this counts as a momentous victory. 

In Nagyland, you can be worse than the only winless team in the league until the very last second, then WIN THE FREAKING SUPER BOWL because your kicker didn't fail on a chippie.

Aye-yi-yi. If this isn't an indictment of what a sorry franchise the Bears have become under Nagy's hand, what is?

Yeah, at 4-7 they're not as bad as the Lions or the Jaguars or the Jets, although maybe they are. Nagy rushed a rookie quarterback into the fray without the tools he needed to succeed, stubbornly provided him with an offense that didn't give him a chance to succeed, and brought a team to Detroit that hadn't won since the middle of October. But, hey, they beat the team everybody beats, so it's all good!

Right?

Um ... right?