A guy named Yanni Gourde scored a goal last night and another guy named Andrei Vasilevskiy stopped every shot the New York Islanders threw at him, so there will be no nostalgia walk for the Blob today.
No Mike Bossy references. No wondering what Billy Smith or Bryan Trottier or Clark Gillies or Denis Potvin are thinking. No Blobbish fake quotes from Bobby Nystrom or Butch Goring.
OK. Maybe a couple.
"Dammit!" (Butch Goring)
"Crap!" (Bobby Nystrom)
Guessing those are reasonably accurate because, as we've already observed, the Islanders lost to the Tampa Bay Lightning 1-0 in Game 7 of the conference finals. Which means the Lightning will face the Montreal Canadiens, a proper NHL hockey team, in the Stanley Cup Final.
If the Lighting win, and they probably will, they'll repeat as Cup champions. And that means Lord Stanley's chalice will stay in Florida.
All together now: Crap!
Also, Dammit!
This is because I'm a crotchety old man who hates change and kids on his lawn and stupid clouds, and it's his considered opinion that a bunch of imposters from Florida winning Stanley is wrong, wrong, wrong. In my crotchety view, Stanley should never be allowed anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line that isn't St. Louis.
That's because there are no real hockey towns down there. They're all posers.
I mean, come on. Last year Tampa Bay and Dallas played in the Stanley Cup Final, which was ridiculous. It was like turning on the Masters and hearing Jim Nantz say "A tradition unlike any other," except he's not at Augusta but Frozen Moose Country Club in FlinFlon.
Wrong. So, so wrong.
And, yes, I know Florida's full of Canadian snowbirds and they got a big charge out of Tampa winning the Cup last year. But then they all slipped on their sunglasses and shower slippers, slathered on some SP 300 and headed to the beach. Maybe they even took Stanley parasailing instead of, you know, throwing him in a frozen canal the way tradition demands.
Stanley, parasailing. Or tarpon fishing. Or reeling around in his cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirt with a mojito in his hand.
Yeesh. Some images should not be allowed.
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