And now a special Election Day edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the within-the-margin-of-error Blob feature of which critics have said "Hey, I didn't vote for this!", and also "Neither did I! My God, the Russians are up to their shenanigans again!":
1. Voted Most Likely To Completely Lose His Mind, Javon Wims delivered a big right hand, and then another big right hand, and then the league delivered a big right hand.
2. Voted Most Likely To Say "Neener-Neener-Neener" To His Critics, Philip Rivers again spread the ball around, threw three touchdown passes and didn't throw any dumb picks.
3. Voted Most Likely To Say "Neener-Neener-Neener" To Bill Belichick And The Patriots, Tom Brady threw two more touchdown passes -- one to Gronk, just to rub it in! -- and led the Buccaneers to another W.
4. Voted Most Likely To Have A Beer Dumped On Him In Chicago, Matt Nagy again rolled out a Bears offense that looked like something the Decatur Staleys left in a dumpster.
5. Voted Most Likely To Answer To "Who's That?", Ben DiNun ... DiNo ,,, oh, hell, that one guy who's playing quarterback for the Cowboys now. DiNucci, that's it.
6. Voted Most Likely To Say "What The Hell, Titans?", folks in Nashville said "What the hell, Titans?" as their not-too-long-ago unbeaten team lost to the ... the, um ... Bengals.
7. Voted Most Likely To Perpetually Disappoint, Cam Newton did some more Cam things, like fumbling, as the Patriots again looked like the Jets dressed up as the Patriots for Halloween.
8. Voted Most Likely To Continue Treading A Numbing Path Of Total Excellence, Patrick Mahomes and Russell Wilson blah-blah-blah, touchdown-touchdown-touchdown, win-win-win.
9. Voted Most Likely To Lose At Home To The 1-5 Viki- ... Wait, the Packers lost at home to the 1-5 Vikings?
10. Voted Most Likely To Most Likely Find A Remote Location To Hide Out Tonight ...
11. Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment