Political football

I am sorry, Most Of America. I am sorry you've gotta hear this from me.

But the results are in, and Our Only Available Impeached Diseased Off His Rocker President has won the 2020 presidential election. Four more years of asshattery, outbreaks of viral crazy and soiling the highest office in the land for us, it looks like.

What's that you say?

Yes, I know the election isn't until Nov. 3. And I know what the polls say. But I also know what happened in Soldier Field yesterday.

What happened was, Nick Foles turned out to be just another Bears Quarterback, like Bob Avellini or Peter Tom Willis. And the Colts defense turned out to be, well, the Colts defense. Which means it stole the Monsters of the Midway tag right out from under the Bears copyright and paraded around with it while all of Chicagoland flapped its hand at its TVs in disgust and said "Ah, hell, I knew we weren't no real 3-0 team.". 

The final score was Colts 19, Bears 11. And if you're wondering what that has to do with the upcoming election, here it is: For the last 16 years, the Colts and Bears have played in every presidential election year. And every year the Colts have won, the Republican has won.

In 2004 and 2016, the Colts won, and George W. Bush and the Sick Guy won the White House. In 2008 and 2012, the Bears won, and Barack Obama won the White House for the Democrats.

So, Colts win, elephants win. Bears win, donkeys win. Sorry, Most Of America.

But go out and vote anyway.

It's 2020, after all. Weird stuff happens.