Adjustments and such

So now you have this black hole in your life. March yawns emptily. The weekend is suddenly a Cone of Silence. The hours march away from you until they appear, in perspective, as tiny microseconds on some distant horizon.

You know what's happening here, right?

You woke up this morning in a scene from "A Christmas Story," is what's happening here.You know the one: Where the Sonsabitchin' Bumpuses' dogs barge through the backdoor and eat the Old Man's turkey, leaving Ralphie's entire family bereft.

No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! Turkey hash! Turkey ala king! Or gallons of turkey soup!

Except now it's:

No NBA! No NHL! No March Madness!  Selection Sunday! Brackets! Or Samsonite Tech wrecking yours by taking out Kansas!

What to do, what to do.

The Blob has a few suggestions ...

1. Make a nice cup of tea and settle in with a good book. Probably best to avoid "The Stand" or Albert Camus' "The Plague."

2. Go on YouTube and watch an endless loop of "One Shining Moment" while weeping quietly.

3. Go on YouTube and watch an endless loop of Bill Raftery shouting "Onions!" or Dick Vitale shouting "He's a Diaper Dandy, bay-bee!"

4. Hack YouTube and erase every video of Bill Raftery shouting "Onions!" or Dick Vitale shouting "He's a Diaper Dandy, bay-bee!"

5. Watch "Hoosiers" for the 1,347th time. Pretend you don't know how it ends.

6. Weep quietly when it does, like the big blubbering baby you are. Then watch it again.

7. Watch "Miracle" for the 1,347th time. See 5 and 6.

8. Spend some quiet time reminiscing fondly about the year you won the March Madness office pool with that daring pick of Duke.

9. Stream a high school basketball regional, because the IHSAA, unlike everyone else, still hasn't pulled the plug on what we used to call Hoosier Hysteria back in the before time.

10. Call the IHSAA and ask what the hell you people are thinking, given what we're seeing around the world about COVID-19 and how quickly and easily it's spreading.

Seriously, folks, No. 10. Despite everything, the IHSAA will carry on almost as usual. The state gymnastics meet will go off as scheduled today at Ball State, although no spectators will be allowed to watch it. And at 16 sites across Indiana, boys basketball regionals will be played in mostly empty arenas.

In other words, the IHSAA basketball tournament has become a noontime run at the Y. Which begs the question of why they're even bothering, because an Indiana high school basketball tournament without fans, face-painted student sections and cheerleaders is no Indiana high school basketball tournament at all. It's just going through the motions because you've got some trophies to hand out.

I'm sure the IHSAA is thinking there's a limited number of potential exposures, given there are only 64 teams still playing. So the risk is acceptable.

Of course, that's 64 teams going back to 64 communities. That's, what, 15 or so players and coaches, plus administrators, plus parents, going back to those 64 communities. Which works out, conservatively, to about 1,240 individuals who are traveling to regional sites from Washington and Loogootee in southern Indiana to Michigan City up by Chicago. stopping for gas or lunch on the way there or back ...

You get the picture.

And, no, it's no Monet.