Lax-stros

Ah, the Houston Astros, those lovable scamps. It's probably too much to say they're the New England Patriots of baseball, but what the hell, we'll say it anyway.

"Hey, that's a cheap shot!" Tom Brady just cried.

"Mumble, mumble, no fair, mumble," Bill Belichick mumbled.

"Oh, sure, like (Astros GM) Jeff Luhnow's never gotten a special in a sleazy massage parlor!" an indignant Robert Kraft spluttered.

Actually ,,, Luhnow hasn't, as far as we know. But he does oversee an organization that employed misogynist punk Brandon Taubman, then smeared the reporter who outed Taubman for taunting her about domestic violence in the Astros' clubhouse, then eighty-sixed Taubman after it became apparent the reporter got the story right.

Too late, unfortunately. The damage was done, and the Astros came off looking like an organization that was staffed by hooting, drunken frat boys. Drunken frat boys who, according to former Astro Mike Fiers, also used a camera in center field to steal signs and relay them to Astros batters through a complex series of odd sounds.

This was a direct violation of baseball rules, and one more indication that the Astros' culture is notable mostly for its ethical laxity. That these same Astros have announced they will investigate Fiers' claims is the belly laugh of the year, if not several years.

Yeah, boy. Nothing like sending the arsonist to investigate his own fire, I always say. Or having Al Capone audit his own tax returns.

In any event, the Patriots must be looking on in awe.

Or perhaps envy.