A less-than-zero proposal

It's nice and all that the NBA has decided to take fan behavior by the scruff of the neck, (so to speak), even though every time the Blob hears the words "zero tolerance," it also hears "we're too lazy to make a decision here, so we'll fix it so we don't have to."

Although, in this case, this isn't exactly zero zero tolerance. Or so it seems to the Blob.

Oh, sure, the new fan behavior guidelines are plenty stringent. You can't say racist stuff, obviously, the way they apparently have in places such as Utah and (big surprise) Boston. But the new guidelines stipulate you'll now also get tossed from your cushy courtside seats for talking about a player's mother, or his grade-point average in college, or anything else of a personal nature not related to basketball.

So you can say "My mother could have defended that shot better," but you can't say "Your mother wears army boots." Or you can say "Rotate down, you idiot!", but you can't say "And by 'idiot,' I mean 'so dumb you flunked Move-In Day at Whatsammata U.'"

Of course, knowing the entitled douchenozzles who generally occupy those courtside seats, the Blob can already hear the lawyers warming up their First Amendment briefs. No one cheapens that noble amendment more than some Joe CEO type who can't abide being told no, so expect some elevated legal discourse about an American's inalienable right to call Russell Westbrook's mother a streetwalker.

Well. The Blob has a solution for all this, and it would actually constitute the aforementioned zero zero tolerance.

Get rid of the courtside seats.

I say this not because Drake shouldn't be parading up and down the sideline alongside the Raptors' head coach, although he shouldn't be. I say this because the vast majority of recent player-spectator spats have emanated from the courtside seats.

So, get rid of 'em. Tear 'em right the hell out.

Make the Drakes and the Joe CEOs sit up with the rest of the great unwashed. They should never have been courtside to begin with, but the Lakers let Jack Nicholson sit down there and now everyone thinks they should sit down there.

Sorry, but no. The Blob clings to the antiquated notion that the playing field, and its immediate environs, should belong to the players and the players only. Sue me.

Of course, if the NBA were to get rid of those seats (and it won't, because they're a revenue stream, and we all know how the NBA feels about revenue streams), suing is exactly what would likely happen. It's that kind of world.

Requisite big sigh.