Low and lower

And now, because the Blob can never do enough to disgust/torture/chase off its myriad followers -- "myriad" being a synonym for "a couple, maybe" -- here's the latest, and probably final, update on the Battle for the Cellar.

("No!" you're saying. "Not this stupid thing again!")

(And also, "I suppose this means you're going to talk about your crummy Pirates again, whom NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!")

Why ... yes. I am going to talk about my crummy Pirates again.

Who remain crummy, and solidly in the cellar, 21 games below .500 and 5 1/2 games behind the Reds with two weeks left in the season. But this is not about that.

This is about how the Pirates have plumbed new depths in the Battle for the Cellar by discovering that -- hey, check it out! -- there's a sub-cellar beneath.

This upon the news that their All-Star closer, Felipe Vazquez, has been arrested for preying on children. Child pornography, soliciting a child,  statutory sexual assault, unlawful contact with a minor, corruption of minors ... it's the whole sicko package, in two states, with which they've charged Vazquez. Additional charges are pending, which is why Vazquez was denied bail.

You know you're in some Marianas Trench-level trouble with the laws when you're as high-profile a suspect as Vazquez is, and they deny you bail.

So, to review: Not only are my Pirates an awful baseball team, their bullpen ace is an alleged perv. And not just any kind of alleged perv, but the absolute worst kind there is.

Nice.