Thursday, August 8, 2019

That's so Raiders

These are the palmy days for the Oakland/Las Vegas/Wherever Raiders, if such wonders still exist for this pratfall of a franchise.

HBO's "Hard Knocks" is in town, giving the Silver-and-Black some valuable national pub.

Enough people still think Jon Gruden -- the single most overrated football coach in America across the last two decades or more --  can actually coach, or still is interesting enough, to merit the full "Hard Knocks" monty.

And, yeah, even that's not true -- even if Gruden's Chucky persona is so '90s these days, and he's done some dumb stuff like trade away one of the best defensive players in football (Khalil Mack) and his best receiver (Amari Cooper) ...

Well, hey. At least "Hard Knocks" is in town. And at least Gruden's got Antonio Brown now, so who needs Amari Coo--

I'm sorry, what?

He doesn't have Antonio Brown right now?

And that's because ... why?

Yes, that's right, America. The Raiders landed the best wide receiver in football, only to find out he's got "extreme frostbite" in his feet because he didn't wear the proper protective footwear during a cryogenic treatment in France. He hasn't practiced since July 30, no one knows when he'll be back, and his feet look like they belong on Bilbo Baggins.

Extreme frostbite. Seriously. Could there be anything more Raiders than that?

They get one of the stickout offensive weapons in the entire NFL, and it turns out what they actually got was a guy who just crawled off the ice shelf in Antarctica. Jon Gruden, meet Ernest Shackleton. No, no one else in the expedition survived, I'm afraid. But give Ernie some time and he'll be running go routes before you know it.

Yeesh. You know how bizarre this is?

It's so bizarre it sounds like a baseball injury. And those guys wrote the book on bizarre.

So Raiders. So, so Raiders.

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