By any other name(s)

It used to be so easy, back in the day. Dale Earnhardt was the smirking dark lord in the black No. 3. Jeff Gordon was your daughter's date for the junior prom. Mark Martin was the wizened little guy who looked like he was 105 years old and subsisted on apples and air.

And the Brickyard 400?

It was the Brickyard 400. That's it. Nothing else.

Now?

Well, I saw an Indianapolis Motor Speedway online ad hawking tickets to this year's Brickyard 400, only it wasn't the Brickyard 400. It was something called the "Big Machine Vodka 400 at the Brickyard, powered by Florida Georgia Line." Takes you almost as long to spit out the entire official name as it does to run the thing.

Plus it has more syllables than there'll be fans in the stands, if the recent trend continues.

Such irony in that, or something. What started out as the plain old Brickyard 400 drew north of 250,00 future Trumpalinas, until everyone discovered it was the Tournament of Roses parade with faster floats. Now it's the "Big Machine Vodka 400 at the Brickyard, powered by Florida Georgia Line," and it's a good day if 50,000 show up for it. The longer the name, the emptier it gets.

And if you're wondering here what the hell Big Machine Vodka is ... well, I did some digging. In other words, I Googled it.

Seems Big Machine Vodka is distilled in downtown Nashville, in a complex that occasionally also serves as an event center. According to the promotional copy, Big Machine Vodka is "25x distilled, 3x platinum filtered. The smoothest tasting vodka, period!"

Which goes absolutely nowhere in explaining why I've never heard of it. Or you, either, I'm guessing.

Oh. And if you're wondering how the Brickyard 400 is powered by a couple of country-and-western musicians ...

Beats me. Maybe it has something to do with their amp setup.