Windmills and clown mouths

Part of you understands it, what Phil Mickelson did. Sure, golf isn't polo, and not even the usual bunch of mutts you play with every week would think to run after a putt and give it another whack before it stopped rolling. But if you're going to do something like that?

At least man up and own it. Don't come at us with some sorry-ass excuse and then get all defiant and pissy with the media when they ask about it. That's as weak as weak gets.

On the other hand ...

I can see why Lefty might have mistaken Shinnecock Hills for a polo pitch yesterday.

The third round of the U.S. Open was the day one of America's most venerable golf courses was transformed by the USGA geniuses into Pirate Mike's Goofy Golf, complete (it seemed) with windmills and bankboards. You kept expecting guys to tee it up with blue and orange balls -- and then, when they got to 18, to chip them into the clown's mouth to return them to the front desk.

They turned a major tournament into a major joke, is what the USGA did. They so tricked up Shinnecock that Dustin Johnson, leading the tournament going in, shot a 7-over 77. Rickie Fowler, another contender, shot 84. And Mickelson himself shot an 11-over 81, which perhaps explains why he swiped at that moving golf ball on 13, as unprofessional a stunt as you'll ever see on tour.

What we're left with is four guys tied for the lead going into the final round. At 3-over for tournament.

Can't wait for the scintillating 73 that wins it today.

I also can't conceive what the USGA is thinking. Do they really think a bunch of 74s and 75s and 80s is a good show? Is the desired goal to make the U.S. Open look more like the Walnut Grove City Championship ?  (Hey, look! Doc Baker won again!) And how weird are golf fans, whom we're told enjoy watching the world's best players get embarrassed on national TV?

"(The) USGA found a way to make us look like fools on the course," Spanish golfer Rafa Cabrera-Bello said after shooting a 76. "A pity they managed to destroy a beautiful golf course."

Indeed they did. It was so bad, even the USGA itself agreed it had gone too far. In their hermetically-sealed Bizarro World, they thought the record-setting numbers put up in the Open last year were a bad thing. So they came to Shinnecock Hills determined not to see it happen again.

Well, it hasn't. Congratulations, boys. You've given America a True Test Of Golf this week. You've given us Rickie shooting 84 and Rory shooting 80 and Phil chasing after his ball on the way to an 81. You've turned grand old Shinnecock Hills into a punchline, and given us a U.S. Open with (for normal people, anyway) all the viewer appeal of the 9 a.m. pairing at Pile O' Dirt Country Club.

How's that workin' out for ya?

And why, after watching this debacle, would any course of any repute want to host a U.S. Open ever again?