Derby time!

In which the Blob again pledges its undying love for the Twin Spires (Two of 'em!), Hats That Look Like They Were Designed By Frank Lloyd Wright (Is that a condo on your head, or are you just glad to see me?) and Fetlocks: A Love Story (Because who doesn't like saying "fetlocks"?)

In other words ... It's Kentucky Derby time, Blobophiles!

The joke here, of course, is that the Blob knows nothing about horse racing, except that back in the day, when he was a working newspaperman, he was known as the Horse Guy because he somehow wound up on the Churchill Downs mailing list and got reams and reams of faxes in the weeks leading up to the Derby. This gave me access to valuable intel about which entries were "walking the shedrow," which ones were "breezing" and which ones were "hanging with the Hat Ladies and Kentucky Colonels while slurping down Vicks Formula 44, aka mint juleps."

(A "fax", by the way, was actual information printed on paper that came out of something called a "fax machine." It was the wonder of its age, boys and girls. Except for the periodic "paper jams.")

Anyway ... on to the annual Valuable Derby Intel:

1. That there's a fine-looking passel of horseflesh.

Which is to say, actual authentic Horse Guys are claiming this could be the strongest Derby field in some years. I have no idea if this true. I'm just passing it along. Me, I just see a lot of manes and tails and fetlocks, whatever they are. I also see that every horse in the field has the requisite number of legs and such.

In other words, they look real nice, as a bunch. No obvious mutts or anything.

2. Except for Firenze Fire and Combatant. Apparently they suck.

That's what the real Horse Guys say, anyway. They say Firenze Fire and Combatant, both 50-1 shots, are about to open a large can of Alpo on everyone today.

Firenze Fire starts from the dreaded 1 hole, first of all. This is like starting the Derby from Lexington, apparently. Plus, again, he apparently sucks.

Combatant, meanwhile, is so awful one of the Horse Guys wondered in print what the hell he was even doing here. He's has one win in eight starts and breaks from the 20 hole, which is almost as bad as the 1 hole.

Last I checked, though, both of them did have the requisite appendages, same as every other horse in the field. So I'd drop some large coin on them if I were you.

3. Also on Free Drop Billy. Supposedly he lathers prior to a race.

I have no idea what this means. Again, I'm just passing it along because his trainer said it, and his trainer should know. I'm guessing this does not mean that Free Drop Billy soaps up real good in the shower and then forgets to towel off before clopping out to the starting gate. But I suppose it could.

By the way, Free Drop Billy is a 30-1 shot. So take that and take the lather bit and bet accordingly.

In other words ... bet that at some point his owners will change his name to Irish Spring Billy.

3. The Apollo Curse is not what you think it is.

What you think it is, of course, is that at some point a 'roided-up Russian galoot is going to show up -- I'm guessing on the backstretch somewhere -- and kill a couple of the horses with one mighty punch.

But enough about Apollo Creed.

Apparently, the "Apollo" in question here is, surprise, a horse named Apollo. He's dead, but his Curse lives on. It seems he's the last horse to win the Derby who didn't race as a 2-year-old. That happened in 1882, so this is a Curse with legs.

Four of 'em, presumably.

Anyway ... the Apollo Curse has been bandied about a lot this week because two entries never raced as 2-year-olds. One, it turns out, is the 3-1 favorite Justify. He's apparently crushed it so far this year, and he's got a really good jockey, Mike Smith, and he's trained by that guy with the white hair everyone thinks so much of. Bob Baffle, Baffert, something like that.

But he's got the Apollo Curse working against him, so he's probably toast.

4. And then there's Mendelssohn.

I don't know why I like Mendelssohn, one of the faves at 5-1. Oh, wait, I do.

I like Mendelssohn because he's the foreign entry (Ireland), and foreign entries frequently have a mystique about them, and I have a weakness for mystique. He also won the United Arab Emirates Derby by 18 1/2 lengths, which seems pretty impressive. He's also trained by an Irishman named Aidan O'Brien, who works out of the wonderfully named Ballydoyle Stables and apparently is the Irish version of White-Haired Bob.

Also, he looks mighty spiffy in a top hat.

5. And now the part where the Blob tells you whom to bet on.

No, not Firenze Fire. Or Combatant or Free Drop Billy, either.

Actually, there are a lot of horses that real Horse Guys like, so lay down your money accordingly. They like Justify, but not a lot. They like Hofburg. They like Magnum Moon, who's apparently really fast. They like Good Magic and Mendelssohn and Audible and My Boy Jack.

Me, I say put your coin on Bolt d'Oro.

I say this because at least one Horse Guy has him winning. I also say it because Victor Espinoza is in the irons, and he's won two of the last four Derbies, and when in doubt (which is almost always) the Blob always bets the jockey.

So there you have it. Bolt d'Oro is your horse.

Or, you know, not. Probably not.