Birds of a feather

The Game Show Host and the General.

Like that isn't a sitcom waiting to happen.

In one corner you've got an egotistical blowhard who wants to be President of the United States (and who has actually conned folks into taking him seriously). In the other corner, another egotistical blowhard who was once the greatest basketball coach in history, and now is just a sad case who clings to grudges the way a drowning man clings to a life preserver.

Hijinks ensue, or something.

If nothing else it will be great theater down in Indianapolis tomorrow, when the Game Show Host (Donald "I'm Great, Just Ask Me" Trump) brings the General (Bob Knight) onstage to gin up the rubes. In that crowd, the General will probably still get a raucous welcome. But it might be the only place left he can get that.

That's because the Game Show Host is making the faulty assumption most outsiders make about Indiana, which is that we all regard Coach Knight with unabashed adoration. The truth is far more complicated. And it's especially complicated now that Coach has alienated even his staunchest backers with his latest series of stunts.

First, he snubbed Indiana's celebration of his greatest team, the undefeated 1976 national champion Hoosiers, not even bothering respond to the invitation. Then, as if that didn't get the message across, he rubbed Hoosier Nation's nose in it by pointedly turning up at a Purdue function with his old adversary Gene Keady.

That bit of gracelessness was the last straw for many of Coach's acolytes, who rightly saw it not as payback to IU but as a kick in the jewels to them.

Now he's back as that rarest of things: A sidekick who's smarter than the main attraction. You almost hope the Game Show Host decides to take it a step further and tab Coach as his running mate, or maybe his secretary of state. Why not? A basketball coach as secretary of state would fit right in with the Game Show Host's over-arching philosophy that amateurs know best. And the more amateurish, the better.

 If nothing else ... think of the script possibilities.

(Fade in. Oval Office. Morning.)

PRESIDENT TRUMP: Bob, I want you to go to Syria and straighten those people out.

SECRETARY OF STATE KNIGHT: Which people?

TRUMP: You know. Those Syria people. Sell 'em the art of the deal.

KNIGHT: Um ... what?

TRUMP: You know. The deal. Tell 'em we'll build a wall around their country and make 'em pay for it if they don't do what we say.

KNIGHT (a tinge of red beginning to color his face): OK, but, uh, who do I tell that to? The terrorists who run the government, or the other terrorists who are trying to overthrow the government, or the other terrorists who are fighting the terrorists trying to overthrow the government?

TRUMP: Ah, you know. The ones we sold weapons to.

KNIGHT (slowly, as you would to a child): Um, you sold weapons to all of 'em.

TRUMP: I did?

KNIGHT (completely losing it now): YES, (BLEEP) IT! (BLEEP), ARE REALLY YOU THIS STUPID? I SWEAR TO (BLEEP), YOU MAKE TED VALENTINE LOOK LIKE A (BLEEPING)  NUCLEAR PHYSICIST!

(Smacks Trump in the back of the head).

TRUMP: Hey! Watch the hair!

I think we could be onto something here.